Pole Fitness

My parents watch my kids while I work.  Today was a work day, so Vivian was at grandma and grandpa’s and Caitlyn was at school.
This afternoon when I picked them up, grandma told me that Vivian had been pole dancing on the wall.  (Grandma is aware of Denise’s occupation, which I actually call “stripper”.  My kids, on the other hand, believe that she is a security guard.  Or so I thought.)
Um, wait….what now?
She said that dad showed her and Caitlyn videos of pole dancing when they were at his house the night before.  She showed me how to do it – it involved grabbing a door frame with both hands and kind of wiggling her little tush.  It would have been cute, and probably funny, had it not been modeled after pole dancing.
Remaining remarkably calm for the panicky hot head that I actually am, I did some gentle questioning and found out from Caitlyn that they did, indeed watch videos of pole dancing last night, “because dad and Denise wanted to”.  And she told me that Denise “is a pole dancer for her job”.
So what were the people in the video wearing? Leotards.  (Thank god they were wearing clothes.)  And what did they do? Climbed up a pole and danced. Umm, why? I don’t know, I guess it’s their job?
It was a good thing my phone was in the car, because Carl had obviously lapsed in judgement (again).  It took a bit to get everyone ready to go.  As soon as we were all buckled in, though, and “waiting for the car to warm up”, the text messages started flying out of my phone like lubed up lightening.  The first was to Philip, telling him that I might need bail money later.  The next was to Carl, because he’s an idiot.
Are you fucking kidding me? You showed our 3 and 8 year old daughters videos of women pole dancing? And told them that Denise is a pole dancer? Are you serious?
          I showed them an 8 and 9 year old doing pole fitness
Kids shouldn’t be pole dancing and you shouldn’t be letting them watch it.  Use some judgement.
Pole fitness is something that people of all ages do it is part of gymnastics now it’s not  
something bad.
Well you just wait until Caitlyn tells a teacher or her counselor that her dad’s girlfriend is a pole dancer for her job, because that’s what she told me.
I can’t wait for that phone call from school.

pole fitness
Um, no.  Just no.

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