I Want to be a Pole Dancer!

I have had no fewer than three people tell me in the last 48 hours that I should write a book.  The thing is, I don’t think anyone would believe it.  It’s too far-fetched to even be entertaining sometimes, and flat out annoying at others.
These comments were spawned by a vent I posted.  Friday night, we were out to eat, and Blondie declared that she wants to be a pole dancer like Denise.  I told her that  that is not appropriate for kids and that she can’t say that.  She just can’t.
“But why?” she wants to know.  “It’s her job.”
Indeed it is.  And jobs aren’t bad, right?
I felt like I was running in circles trying to figure out how to tell my mostly innocent soon-to-be 9 year old child that pole dancing is not an esteemed profession, that Denise really takes her clothes off while she dances and men cheer and throw money at her.  But I couldn’t.  So I had to eventually go with a “because I said so”.  I don’t really like to do that; I do want my children to learn the how and why of things in life.  But it’s just too soon for them to learn some things.
Responses to my vent ranged from sensible (“Tell her to say she wants to be just a dancer, like ballet or tap”) to truthful (“Tell her Denise takes her clothes off to get money from men and that’s bad!”) to simply delightful (“When you get the call from school that she repeated that there, you make sure to pick Carl up on the way and drag him in there with you!”) with a generous smattering of outrage and sympathy.
I wasn’t looking for any of those things with that post; I really was just venting.  Perhaps I let too many eyes into my world sometimes; I need to let it out once in awhile.  I did take all those comments into consideration though.
Blondie doesn’t understand what pole dancing really is.  They’ve watched videos of “pole fitness” so she thinks pole dancers wear leotards and compete for trophies and medals.  Her statement was innocent, but it brings to light the damage that her father and Denise are doing, likely without meaning to, just because they’re idiots.
I don’t know what to do about it.  I can’t legally withhold visitation, because there is nothing illegal going on there (to my knowledge).  That would cause a shitty legal battle that might get messy, long, and expensive.  A friend sent me a message later that day, suggesting that I take more control over custody, get supervised visits and limit time spent with him.  That’s something that I’ve wrestled with, and I responded as such:
Is it better for the girls to have a relationship with him and eventually see him for who he is, or would they be better off without him around completely? I know that my life would be easier if he would sign away his rights, but he never will, if just to hold it over my head and use it as a sympathy card to play. I just don’t know – if I tell them they can’t see dad I’m the bad guy, but does that actually make me their protector, or am I denying them something important? It’s fucked up either way.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s